smooches.

i've never been kissed and so i really do not know how it feels.
i've heard of some strange,weird and absolutely senseless,"tasteless" tales of their kisses from friends and i always wonder how does it feel.
a lot of things play significant role in making a kiss,perfect..as my expert friends say.The atmosphere around,the time of the day,the dress you're wearing,if your hair is open or bunned or plated..[phew i wonder how that even makes a difference],what you ate last,how active is your tongue,the hormonal balance or imbalance ,etc etc etc.

i was watching this movie some time back and there was this girl having her first kiss though it wasn't first of the guy and they were sitting on the branch of a tree.
*sigh* it was perfect.
it LOOKED perfect atleast.
i some times used to wonder why first kiss is hyped so much.
but now i guess,it deserves all the hype.

i don't know when and with whom i'll have my first kiss but m sure,its gonna be just perfect.
:)

so i was walking on this road which i had no idea will not end soon.i'd been wondering what was wrong with him.he wasn't acting,talking and behaving the way he do usually so i was sure that this aint usual.he was in love again.and this time also,it wasn't me.that night he called me up at 3 o clock in the morning,"vibha,recharge my number will ya.m talking to her n i've gone outta credit.please baby."he knew i had this strange habit of keeping recharge cards with me after i had faced serious trouble when i had myself run out of credit when i was on this school trip,lost in the mid-way and had a narrow escape from..you can say ..not death but bears.
"i'll do it kunu."what?i don't believe i said that.i mean i was giving him a chance to talk to another girl.fuck.i know what all they're gonna talk about.love..kisses..kiss you here,kiss you there.muah muah kiss you everywhere.But,now as i've already said that i'll recharge it,i'll have to do it.


"thanks",he said the next morning i saw him in college.that smile,i could kill myself for that smile that played like mozart's best tune on his lips.
"koi nai."i murmured.
"you're always gonna be my best friends vibhz"
"i know.we're always gonna be ...FRIENDS"
to be contd..

Zipper-Intact.

"So how was the party?",kate asked florence.
florence lighted a cigarette ,and took the smoke in with a deep breathe,"dark".
"dark?did you say dark?",said kate as if she hadn't heard of the word before or maybe she had but never in context to the discription of a party.
"yes,you heard it right:d-a-r-k!",replied florence.
"well ,i guess you are kind of pissed off.is everything alright between you and Alec?what was the surprise he was talking about after the party?",asked an excited Kate.
"trust me,you wouldn't like it ",said florence.
"common tell me,what is it?whats wrong?tell me what all happened.and i want that in detail":kate
"well,he said i was looking beautiful and sexy in this red dress m wearing.we danced.he said he loved me..we were laughing and drinking mocktails.we danced till one o clock.i love him,or should i say,loved him.he kissed me on my back ,and neck,and shoulders.i was letting him do that because i love him,or should i say i loved him.he said i was more beautiful than his ex-girlfriend.":florence.
"what do you mean?where this is heading towards?":kate.
"after the party i asked him about the surprise and he took me to a room on the second floor.it smelled great.
he locked the door and started unzipping my dress,slowly and while he was doing that he said:you love me and i love you .lets take this to another level. i m sure you're gonna love it..
i said:i m not really confortable baby,it aint the right time.i m not ready..i dont want this to end up badly.
he said:common,nothing's gonna go wrong.don't you trust me?
and he started kissing me.
i realized that maybe he didn't love me,he loved my body.
and he wasn't the guy who could ever respect me ,my feelings and my body.he'll always see it,as an object of pleasure.
and i tharsed him on his face.zipped up my dress and came back.
so all in all the night,along wih the party,was dark.

period.

"alright.and that asshole ,where is he right now?"asked kate.
"in the same room,with julianne,his ex-girlfriend."
and she smoked in silence.

Breathe In Me.

She lay beside me,heavy on drugs,soundly asleep.
It was so perfectly silent around that i could hear her breathing without any agitation.
it was still dark and it was very cold,both inside and outside the room.
i was lying very close to her,her scented hair were tantalizing my nostrils.her flawless skin,so perfectly firm and shining and fresh as if that of a baby.
i went ahead and kissed her on her lips.she had the most beautiful lips .i remember how they used to tremble whenever i touched them with my fingers and sometimes with my own lips.
she lay there,peacefully,a smile spread on her lips.i knew she was dreaming about us.me and herself.
she always wanted to have a baby because when she leaves,she wanted me to have a part of her ,always but she couldn't concieve.
her blouse was open and i could see the very part of her.
she was beautiful.
i could see the huge scar she had on her chest..it was of the last operation she had had,two weeks back.she'll have to undergo many more in the future and she wanted to get rid of the pain and so she just wanted to die with out undergoing all that.
the vermillion along the parting-line of hair ,deep red,made her look like a new-bride even after four years of marriage.
but it was all about to end.
not for me,but for the world .

why do you need a fucking title??

hit!!him him hard!!can't you listen??i said hit him hard....
the guy who was being beaten like animals here..had evenn hit by destiny..so the group pf rogues who were hitting him that moment..he could feel the blows..but he couldn't feel the pain..
and now if you need a reason,why he was being hit..then here is the reason:he was hit for being him!!
for being a sentimentalist who had a rusted brain because he never used it..because he even thought from heart ..

15 minutes passed..for the innumerable blows he didn't return even one...by the end of the 15 mins. he was finally left to peace.."a*****e"!!remarked one of the rogues and left..

at 2 o clock in the freezing chill of a december morning,he laid there on a street of delhi..God knows how many bones broken..how many teeth broken..two if them lay in the pool of blood just infront of him..with the hockey sticks they thrashed him with..
blood all over him..his lips cut..and his mouth was full of blood..
but he didn't scream..he didn't cry for help..he just lay there..on the street ..numb..defeated..lost..
the dew had wetted his clothes..


3 hours later..at around 5 am..he was still breathing..although not trying enough...that a fellow who passed that way in track suit noticed him..
he gave him a jerk.."Holy!!hey..are you listening..speak up..atleast say a word.."
the blood outside his body had freezed though there was still fresh blood warming his mouth..

8 hours later..the guy ,suhas..lay on a private bed in a hospital..under the effect of the painkillers..
6 fractured bones...3 teeth gone..disfigured lower lip..cut cheeks..

his family came...his family in delhi equalled just one friend,his room-mate,rajeev..n the moment he saw his friend...who was miraculously alive..he broke down..


Suhas was a 4th year student in an engineering college in delhi..he hailed from ludhiana..Suhs was in love with a girl..but now she was dead..

and so was suhas emotionally..those rogues,who were after his life,because he side-by-side worked for an NGO that works for saving the prostitues..and was causing them trouble..
Suhas knew that someday he will be attacked and he was ready to face it..but tht night he had just witnessed the death of the girl he loved ..with all his heart..she was crushed under a truck while the crossing the road ..
on one side of the road was suhas n on the other side,his girl..
she crossed the road but could never reach him..

so here was Suhas,literally ,NOT battling for life..because his reason to live was DEAD!!.

that night..

an hour back ,he had been ditched!!
he stood standing in front of his gate smoking his 4th cigarette in the last 20 minz.it was 10 pm and his frnds were coming to pick him up..a car stopped in front of him 5 mins later.he didn't move an inch..his head was not where his feet were."there will never be another tonight"..was the song being played in the open car on full volume..
beep!!!!beep!!!!
"can't yew hear the horn,yew moron??????hop in!!!!!"
"holy!!"he exclaimed as the almost finished cigarette butt kissed his finger with its flames..
"are yew jammed there??don't stand there cribbing,"Welcome to the club,majnu"....
and he crushed the butt under his feet and sat in the car..the car zoomed..

they stopped at a disco night club..the guys grabbed their respective girlfriend's waists n entered the club..he followed..

it was a dark place..music banging against the walls n young guys n girls dancing as if world was about to end tommorrow morning..his friends soon got lost in the crowd..his mind was getting crowded with some thoughts-of-the-past..he saw a bar and sat on one ov the high chairs n asked for a high-on violet whisky..while sipping he scanned the whole area..freaks were having the time of their lives..on a red sofa in a corner were some guys n girls laughing over..
his eyes stopped on a creature sitting alone on another such red couch on the corner..the lights were blinding but he managed to see ..it was a girl..pretty..if one can say..
a moment later he again looked in tht direction n saw tht she was heading towards him..wearing a black short dress..short hair..tall n sleak..
she came and sat just next to him..
"hey"she said,her tone had the appeal that could turn any guy on..

he ignored!

"are yew deaf or is it just pretendance??"
he was in no mood to even look at her ..he had been ditched 2 hrs back n the only thng he cud thnk of was to kill himself..

she shook his frame!!
"what the bloody fuck!!"
exactly..
look,madam..as yew can very well remark ,i m least interestd in talking to yew..so move ur butt to some other place..
"oh,so thats the way yew talk to women?"
i hardly do..
she came nearer and whispered in his ears in tht sensual tone,"yew seem hurt??and her fingers moved from his neck to his chest where it stopped at the position where we locate the heart.."there".."yew are hurt there,isn't it??"

"how does that matter to yew",he said and he shifted backwards..
he had allowed just one woman to come that near to him n tht woman had already found another man..

"i can reduce your pain,guy..trust meh..just allow meh "she exasperatedly said..

"okay are you some ***** ..coz' a decent lady won't b sitting here trying to seduce a stranger"..he said..

"no..no m not.."
her face went blank..

he tried to get up becoz' he cudn't breathe in thr..it was choking him.he wantd to breathe fresh air..
"where are you going leaving meh here aloof..i need yew tonight" and she started coming near his face..he could feel her beathes all over his face..

he was getting out of control..
trying to move away..and finally managed to..

look yew damned woman.."this is not what yew need..yew need "love"..LOVE....and he slapped her hard..
she slapped him back..
"very well",he said..
and walked towards the exit taking out a cigarette from his pocket ..flamed it n breathed in a long puff...
"yew are a loser",she shouted at him..

"and in more than one way,so r yew"...

itz been long

well people its been long since i last scribbled somethng here..
wasn't getting into the mood.but just nw i really need to write ..

blank face...blank eyes..dead emotions..cold heart..its like tht the chilled zephyr has frozen your whole body n yew can't move to a warmer place n yew can feel the pain of ur soul leaving ur body n u can't even scream..
ur lips hav turned blue..every tear tht last came out of ur eyes is now perfectly settled on ur snow-white cheeks in the form of crystals..ur whole body is numb..

for all ur life ye didn't respect LIFE n now ye want some more moments ov it..
yew want some more laughs to be shared..some more tears of happiness to b cried..some more jokes to b cracked...some more kisses on ur blue lips...some more heated hugs..some more caressing in ur hair...some more moments of togetherness..some more moments of oneness..

yew regret tht some more words wud hav been said..some more thngs wud hav b cleared..some more nights wud hav been spent breathing on each other's arms..


some more life would have been lived...

but there yew r,with a frozen heart..which can't pass on Love..

n yew r just going to ....