Saturday, August 23, 2008

that night..

an hour back ,he had been ditched!!
he stood standing in front of his gate smoking his 4th cigarette in the last 20 minz.it was 10 pm and his frnds were coming to pick him up..a car stopped in front of him 5 mins later.he didn't move an inch..his head was not where his feet were."there will never be another tonight"..was the song being played in the open car on full volume..
beep!!!!beep!!!!
"can't yew hear the horn,yew moron??????hop in!!!!!"
"holy!!"he exclaimed as the almost finished cigarette butt kissed his finger with its flames..
"are yew jammed there??don't stand there cribbing,"Welcome to the club,majnu"....
and he crushed the butt under his feet and sat in the car..the car zoomed..

they stopped at a disco night club..the guys grabbed their respective girlfriend's waists n entered the club..he followed..

it was a dark place..music banging against the walls n young guys n girls dancing as if world was about to end tommorrow morning..his friends soon got lost in the crowd..his mind was getting crowded with some thoughts-of-the-past..he saw a bar and sat on one ov the high chairs n asked for a high-on violet whisky..while sipping he scanned the whole area..freaks were having the time of their lives..on a red sofa in a corner were some guys n girls laughing over..
his eyes stopped on a creature sitting alone on another such red couch on the corner..the lights were blinding but he managed to see ..it was a girl..pretty..if one can say..
a moment later he again looked in tht direction n saw tht she was heading towards him..wearing a black short dress..short hair..tall n sleak..
she came and sat just next to him..
"hey"she said,her tone had the appeal that could turn any guy on..

he ignored!

"are yew deaf or is it just pretendance??"
he was in no mood to even look at her ..he had been ditched 2 hrs back n the only thng he cud thnk of was to kill himself..

she shook his frame!!
"what the bloody fuck!!"
exactly..
look,madam..as yew can very well remark ,i m least interestd in talking to yew..so move ur butt to some other place..
"oh,so thats the way yew talk to women?"
i hardly do..
she came nearer and whispered in his ears in tht sensual tone,"yew seem hurt??and her fingers moved from his neck to his chest where it stopped at the position where we locate the heart.."there".."yew are hurt there,isn't it??"

"how does that matter to yew",he said and he shifted backwards..
he had allowed just one woman to come that near to him n tht woman had already found another man..

"i can reduce your pain,guy..trust meh..just allow meh "she exasperatedly said..

"okay are you some ***** ..coz' a decent lady won't b sitting here trying to seduce a stranger"..he said..

"no..no m not.."
her face went blank..

he tried to get up becoz' he cudn't breathe in thr..it was choking him.he wantd to breathe fresh air..
"where are you going leaving meh here aloof..i need yew tonight" and she started coming near his face..he could feel her beathes all over his face..

he was getting out of control..
trying to move away..and finally managed to..

look yew damned woman.."this is not what yew need..yew need "love"..LOVE....and he slapped her hard..
she slapped him back..
"very well",he said..
and walked towards the exit taking out a cigarette from his pocket ..flamed it n breathed in a long puff...
"yew are a loser",she shouted at him..

"and in more than one way,so r yew"...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Nice writing.. but wt did the guy lose? his breath after smoking?..

yeor said...

4 ciggerate in 20 min :O , he msut be quite a smoker :s

the story is lovelly , the scean when the cutest of the gurl cant seduce a heartbroken man is nicelly penned :)
loved that part to my core .
u are into becoming a real stuff on the writting turf dear .

dono if u imagined this whole story or was this real life narration , still it was lovelly.
and if u imagined it all , then man-o-man u r quite a hit
>:D<

KUDOS
love u gurl
keep it up
keep jotting all this lovelly tales :)
love yeor >:D<

chakookshah said...

nice story...

quite a bit like a movie... i hv sympathy with the guy.. one who is been ditched can be in the same frame of mind that guy was in and what happened with that guy at the bar was unexpected for him...but he should know life does go on... if you wann kill yourself you can but ur just westing the best gift og god to you for someone who doesnt give a f******g damn about you...

smoking kills...so does the thinking of being diched because of your own fault.... that gal wd be a b***** to hv a guy left alone who loved her from heart...

nice story anyways.. touches heart just like you.....

Nitesh Poonia said...

That was quite a thing ... Honestly, You've ended this one with just the perfect ending ... Portrayal of a broken heart with such immense sophistication couldn't have been done by anyone but you ... Atmoshphere of Disco could've been depicted with more usage of words but you still managed to stay true to the theme which was bout this guy who might well have killed himself after that ... Pretty shocking was the behavior of the guy towards the girl in the disco which signifies his emotional stability even after being dumped ... Heck of a Lover he must've been

In one word - Awesome

Your style is one of its kind ... Keep it up ;)

charan said...

Is that guy you?